period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
