Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
