I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Randomize
