I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
