Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
