i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Sext me about skeletons
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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