So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
