oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
