That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
