When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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