just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she looked like the before picture.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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