he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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