I should be sponsored by Trojan
false alarm. still invincible.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
