And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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