Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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