I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
