why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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