i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
