Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
