He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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