Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
