FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
