Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
