I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
