My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
