He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
