So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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