Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
