did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
