Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
