bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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