i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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