Hey man sorry I got all grabby
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
