You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
