youre lurking in front of me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
