Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
