fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
farters have to be the big spoon...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
