fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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