A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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