She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
