Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
