So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
