I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
