Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
