I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
