watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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