This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
