They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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