2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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