he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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