you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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