Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
