I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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