I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
