i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
