Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
