I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
