I smell stomach acid.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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