Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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