I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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